Complit 122 Spiritual Autobiography
Abigail Betzalel
In Augustine’s Confessions and Perpetua’s diary, both Augustine and Perpetua are devout in their Christianity, yet their spiritual trajectories follow two different paths illustrated throughout their autobiographies. Augustine’s religious journey is similar to that of a wave: his beliefs wavering when in competition with his material wants and temptations before his ultimate conversion. On the contrary, Perpetua’s journey is more linear, like a straight horizontal line with no change, since nothing is so certain to her as her religion; so much so that she is able to find peace, and even joy, while dying for her faith. The two autobiographies hold vast differences, including the starkly contrasting journeys of Augustine’s wave-like path and Perpetua’s linear one; however, both individuals follow paths to the grace of God and Christianity.
Augustine first shares his feelings towards God and religion during his boyhood. In book one, Augustine talks at length of all of the sins he committed during his childhood and while reflecting on that time from a state of full conversion, he says, “What indeed is more pitiful than a piteous person who has no pity for himself?” (26). The repetition of the word “pity” Augustine uses to describe himself at a younger age cements the idea of how drastically Augustine’s mindset has changed in regards to religion. He then goes on to say that he “could weep over the death Dido brought upon herself out of love for Aeneas, yet I shed no tears over the death I brought upon myself by not loving you (26) revealing a time when God was so unimportant, that a children’s story brought more emotion out of him. Augustine continues exploring religion as he enters adulthood. In hearing a story from his friend Simplicianus about the conversion of a man named Victorinus and how he rejoiced in newfound Christianity before God, Augustine states that he ached for the chance to do the same (144). Despite his strong desire to convert before God, Augustine says that “it was no iron chain imposed by anyone else that fettered me, but the iron of my own will” (144), showing that at this point in his life, Augustine debates if his will is strong enough to give up all temptation and lust for God, even though he “aches” to do so. Augustine’s mindset at a young age of uncertainty of religion and his wavering want for complete religious conversion, compared to his completely devout feelings towards religion that he holds while writing the book, clearly creates a wave-like path. At some points in his life, Augustine holds disregard for religion, pointing to the crests of the waves, and at other points, he considers and even aches for conversion, signified by the troughs of the waves, until he reaches another trough when he finally converts and lives his life solely for God.
In contrast, Perpetua is certain and steadfast in her Christianity. As she is imprisoned for being Christian and is awaiting her death, her father pays her a visit in hopes to change her resolve, yet she is unwavering, stating that no one can call her anything other than what she is: a Christian (10). Even when facing death, Perpetua never budges in her beliefs, she would rather die in the name of God than be forced to live as anything but a Christian. Perpetua stays just as true to her faith as she approaches her execution and finds peace and even joy in her martyrdom. The day before her death, Perpetua has a vision where she emerges victorious in the fight meant to put her to death and awakens knowing that she will win (15). Perpetua, a young woman never trained in physical combat, stands no chance against wild animals, therefore her certainty that she will be victorious is meant in a metaphorical sense as she finds peace in her death, knowing that dying in the name of God is winning. An eye witness confirms Perpetua’s peace in her death as he describes Perpetua and her fellow martyrs walking towards the “amphitheater as if they were marching to heaven” while trembling with joy (17). Perpetua’s complete and utter confidence in her faith even in the most drastic of situations shows a linear, non-changing path regarding her religion. There is never a moment of doubt or uncertainty as she gives her life to God, but instead, she only feels joy.
Both Augustine’s Confessions and Perpetua’s diary follow paths to God and Christianity, albeit, in different ways. As Augustine grows up, he dismisses religion and God showing the crest of a wave. As he grows older though, Augustine creates new crests and troughs as his beliefs waver until he finally converts and promises to live his life dedicated to God, creating a new trough of the wave. Perpetua, on the other hand, follows a linear, non-changing path to Christianity as even facing her death, she doesn’t turn her back on her faith but instead embraces the idea of her martyrdom and dying in the hands of God. Overall, the autobiographies reveal differing trajectories of Augustine and Perpetua’s Christianity, yet the two are more alike in their beliefs than different.
Works Cited
Augustine of Hippo. “The Confessions.” The Works of St. Augustine: A Translation for the 21st Century. Trans. Maria Boulding, O.S.B. Hyde Park, New York: New City Press, 2018.
Perpetua of Carthage. “Prisoner, Dreamer, Martyr.” The Writings of Medieval Women: An Anthology. 2nd ed. Trans. and ed. Marcelle Thiébaux. Abingdon: Routledge, 1994.
